So on Wednesday I had had a very long day, up early to prepare for my first university interview of 2014 (which was fantastic) and soon after was my third CBT session!
In this session we went over the positive and negatives of the week:
- I had a great interview
- I went to a brilliant party
- I fit into my size 14 pencil skirt!
- Missed my personal best at running
- My chest infection is making me miserable
- I've put on a pound this week
- I'm not losing my weight quick enough
- I've overly stressed myself about university and had multiple urges of self harm.
So the week was a long week, not always good, not always bad, but then I had to talk about my homework. My therapist (as I am a new patient) needs to understand what things trigger me, and I had to fill in a sheet of what triggers me and what memories it brings back and how much it affects me on a scale of 1-10.
This was difficult, because even talking about certain things upsets me, so this took up most of the session, but for the last 20 minutes we spoke about ways to help ease my urges whilst out in public and we are working on 'relaxing my brain' so I don't over think before I go to sleep. One technique which has worked well the past two days is my deep breathing, where I focus on relaxing each muscle in my body individual in between deep breaths. I found that this has calmed me down when I felt stressed or I was getting triggered and has even helped me to cope out in public without it being obvious what I am doing (unlike pinching my arms). And over all the session felt great, especially after the wonderful interview I had!
I then had an interview on Friday at another university and I felt so supported that I feel as though that university may become my first choice, which is great as they are offering me a free therapist and counsellor for when I go there!
Today (Saturday) we set off at quarter to eight in the morning to go up to Lyme park, for their first ever park run held there! It was long, cold and felt like it was constantly up hill but it also felt rejuvenating, I feel fully relaxed and very good even though I probably have an extremely long time! But the views were fantastic and the marshals and back runners were completely amazing!
Next week will be my third interview and I have another in March, so I'm waiting on the response of one more, but compared to last year I feel as though I have done extremely well and I am so proud of myself.
I'm proud of what I've achieved, how I've coped, how many people I have helped and how much I have over come. And I can only do better!
Lots of love,