So Wednesday the 5th of February was my first session of CBT with my brand new therapist/counsellor!
There wasn't too much going on in this session, but compared to my previous experience with CBT it seemed a lot different and a lot easier and nicer!
The first session was to get to know me, about my past, why I was referred and what I would like to work on. For me, talking in person about my experience is difficult, talking face to face with a person who I've only ever spoken over the phone to was even harder. The average session lasts 50 minutes, mine lasted over an hour so we could talk everything out.
I told him about my past, the abuse, the loss of the ex family, my self harm and suicide attempts, I told him about my urges, about my mood just getting lower, how I feel as though I'm struggling again.
We spoke about my urges of self harm (including binge eating then refusing to eat) and how I control them, which for me is pinching my skin or tapping my collar bone when I become uncomfortable in public.
Most of the session was talking whilst filling out contracts but somehow I managed to keep myself together, I didn't cry, I kept talking and I was made to feel extremely comfortable during the sessions.
I thought I did extremely well, I came out quite 'wobbly' and down, but better than when I went in, and it took three hours for the session to sink in and I just completely broke down, I couldn't hold back tears and I just couldn't smile.
Hopefully next week will do me even better, but I don't think I have ever had a counselling or therapy session without becoming upset.
I will be having 8 sessions to begin with every week, and before the eight are up we will discuss if I need more.
I know each week with benefit me in different ways and it is giving me someone to talk to about how I feel, we will also be working on controlling my urges of self harm and also on my nightmares.
But in the mean time I will be drawing to help sort out my thoughts, which I will upload!
So keep reading and keep sharing!
Lots of love,