To start this off I hope everyone has had a brilliant new year! That you have spent it with family and loved ones, remembered the ones who couldn't see the new year in, and spread smiles to everyone you met!
Through the course of 2014 you will watch me flourish! I've set my weight loss target for 5 stone by December 2014! Which will not only help my confidence but also improve my mental health! I'll keep posting updates of my weight loss and hopefully you will all follow my journey of weight loss and my recovery!
Over Christmas, whilst I've not been posting, it has given me too much time to think. Although Christmas was a great high, after boxing day my mood dropped. I had expected this as I can't normally go a week without getting a low mood. So it seemed too good to be true at first. But I got through a full week (which truly was fantastic!) but then had a week of being low. I couldn't control my tears, my thoughts or my nightmares, little things frustrated me even though they shouldn't. I couldn't stop thinking that I should be over everything by now, It's been three years and I'm being pathetic, thinking that has made me feel worse.
This is our third year without a family, yet it still feels like it is not getting easier, I'm still depressed, I'm still feeling lost and there's still the pain of grieving people who are not even dead.
I've been told quite a lot that I don't look like I have a mental health problem, which frustrates me. Not because I want to be seen as someone who is mentally ill, but the fact that people actually have a stereotypical look of a person who has a mental illness.Although some people may not mean harm by saying this, it is still offensive, I keep up with following 'Time to change' they are a charity working with 'MIND' to stop the stereotype and taboo of mental illnesses. What some people need to realise is this:
We do not look any different than the average person, we do not walk around in blood stained scrubs, we do not talk like we are possessed and we are not all evil. We are people and we have feelings.
Some people have a mental illness due to a chemical imbalance in their brain, A regular cause of mental illnesses, This means although the person may not have gone through a trauma, their illness is still real and still important. It makes them no different to a person who has gone through a trauma and then diagnosed with a mental illness. I've seen a lot of tweets about how people feel worse about their depression because they don't have a problem to be sad about. What they forget is that we are all fighting the same battle, we will always be on the same team, and we are here to support each other. You may not have been through a traumatic event like some, but that doesn't make your illness less real and you should not feel bad for that.
I spoke recently with my mum whilst feeling down and realised that I would benefit from seeing another counselor. I will be looking forward to that as the only way to get things off my chest right now is on this blog, I've struggled talking to loved ones as I feel that my thoughts would annoy them, also when I'm down I tend to push others away, I wouldn't act as sociable, luckily by new years eve my mood raised and had a fun night at a party and spent two days with my best friend, her boyfriend and Rob!
Recently my blog was published on the 'Red falcon project' website as a guest blog, of which I am extremely proud of. I find their website amazing as it not only covers mental health, but also addiction and other physical disabilities and problems! Their link is posted at the bottom of the home page and I urge everyone to take a look!
Heres a few pictures of our fun filled night!
(Prepare the cringe-o-meter!)
Have a happy new year my amazing readers! And if anyone has struggled or know someone struggling or need a person to talk too, remember the facebook page that you can message and it will be kept confidential www.facebook.com/thelucyexperience , there are also important links at the bottom of the home-page for anyone needing more serious advice.
Lots of love,