From being a very young age, when people asked 'what would you like to be when you are older' I knew what I wanted to be.
I never changed through high school, I never had doubts of what I wanted to do, Through college I expanded what I wanted as my career, my vocation, I was not like other girls who struggled to understand what they wanted. My feet were planted firmly on the ground. I wanted to be a nurse. And not just any nurse, I wanted to be the best mental health nurse on this planet. The only thing that changed was where I wanted to do it.
My first idea was that I wanted to join the navy and become a MH nurse for them, but I didn't think I could cope so long away from my mum, so I found a love for working in the hospitals, on wards and in the community. I worked as hard as I possibly could on every placement I had, I worked hard through my own struggles, and also dealing with the struggles of losing patients. But I finished my college course with a very proud two A's and a B. And today, today was the day I sent my university application off to become a mental health nurse. And I cannot stop smiling!
I feel relieved, happy, scared, nervous, overly excited and I can't sit still! Last year when I first applied I was just not mentally ready. I was going through interviews with the police, I had threats over the internet, I still didn't have that will to live. But now, after writing, working hard and I feel like I'm stronger I have applied again.
Three years from now... Where do you see yourself? Do you have a job? A dream home? A new little family?
Three years from now, I see myself saving more lives than I could imagine. I see my mum being proud of me, the ex 'family' hating themselves for losing me. I see less people struggle to get help and I see me and Rob living a happy life together. But I also see that I'm not dead. I will be alive and helping every person I can.
We all have a future, even if you struggle to see it, it is there and waiting for you to come out of that dark tunnel. And it will be happy. Trust me.
Lots of love,